In Memory Of You: A Sanctuary for Grieving Parents in Western Australia
As women step into a serene, light-filled room, warm greetings fill the air. Soft music plays in the background, while the gentle scent of a candle creates a calming atmosphere. Soothing artworks in muted tones adorn the walls, setting the stage for a gathering of mothers who share a profound bond. Laura, Ari’s mum. Hannah, Dustin’s mum. Swaathi, mum to Ani and Rishi. They settle onto plush couches, chatting easily about their weeks as they fold soft blankets, tucking them into boxes alongside books and knitted booties. A handwritten card is addressed simply to: Mama.
The thread connecting these women is the loss of their precious babies. In this space, they find comfort to speak openly about their experiences, share their trauma, hear stories that resonate deeply, and connect with others who truly understand their pain. It is a place where they can say their baby’s name without fear of misguided comments, and where their baby’s memory is kept alive with dignity and love.
The Origins of In Memory Of You
This vital need for connection and understanding among those who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss inspired Emma Francis and Jess Doyle to take action. Both women tragically lost their second-born babies in September 2021, leading them to co-found In Memory Of You, a Western Australia-based not-for-profit organisation. The charity creates and supplies memory boxes and miscarriage keepsake packs to hospitals across the state, while also offering peer support groups for individuals navigating loss.
The memory boxes contain carefully selected items to help bereaved parents capture precious, time-sensitive memories with their baby during their hospital stay. These include handknitted heirloom blankets and teddies, hand-sewn hearts—one to keep and one to place with the baby—a secure place for hospital bracelets and a lock of hair, a book to record moments and details, and other comforting items. Additionally, the boxes provide up-to-date information on where to find further support, ensuring parents have resources at a critical time.
Personal Journeys of Loss and Healing
Stuck in the depths of grief, Francis and Doyle could never have imagined how their chance meeting at a Red Nose support group would not only change their lives but become essential for their survival. Francis’ daughter Ada was stillborn at 32 weeks after a seemingly low-risk pregnancy, with doctors unable to find a medical reason for her death. Doyle experienced a sudden and traumatic labour, giving birth to her son Faolan in the back of an ambulance at 39 weeks and two days; Faolan died after seven days in the NICU.
Francis reflects on the isolation she felt, noting that well-meaning comments from others often added to her pain. “I wouldn’t have survived any of it without Jess,” she says. “It was just that connection to somebody that understood what I was going through, the depth of pain, the anger, the fear—the everything. She got it.” Doyle echoes this sentiment, sharing that their instant bond was rooted in mutual understanding, despite their different stories. For Doyle, In Memory Of You is a way to parent Faolan even after his passing, through actions like making boxes or supporting other bereaved parents.
Growth and Impact of the Charity
The idea for memory boxes emerged from the impersonal care packs and lack of practical resources both women received after leaving hospital. Francis recalls receiving a small white cardboard box that rattled, containing outdated brochures and a tealight, which left her feeling heartbroken and angry. Determined to create something better, she and Doyle started by making 50 memory boxes in 2023, thanks to in-kind donations from suppliers and a team of dedicated volunteers.
Since then, the boxes have been refined to include high-quality items with a retail value exceeding $250 each. Each box also holds a handwritten letter from a bereaved mum, offering comfort and the crucial message that recipients are not alone. By late 2024, In Memory Of You became a registered charity, relying on donations, fundraising, and volunteers who dedicate countless hours alongside their family and work commitments.
Distribution has expanded significantly, with over 750 memory boxes and close to 1500 keepsake packs donated to hospitals across the Perth metro area, the South West, Geraldton, and Karratha. The charity has formed strong relationships with hospitals, including King Edward Memorial Hospital, where the boxes have not only improved parent and family experiences but also provided valuable support and education to staff through information sessions.
Support Groups and Community Building
In Memory Of You’s six peer support groups cater to various types of loss, including miscarriage, stillbirth, and neonatal loss, and have grown to include around 200 families who connect in person or online. These safe spaces are tailored for different needs, such as those without living children, mothers of rainbow babies, and individuals navigating pregnancy after loss. Doyle and Francis, who both went on to have healthy babies—Tara and Otis, respectively—emphasise the importance of these groups in normalising complex emotions and bridging the gap to professional mental health care.
Francis notes the challenges of feeling happiness after loss, saying, “When Otis arrived, it was the first time I actually felt like I was holding grief and joy at the same time.” The groups aim to validate these emotions, helping parents integrate back into their lives with less isolation and long-term mental health impacts. While the charity champions peer support, it does not replace professional help and actively refers individuals to psychological services like Red Nose, which offers a 24/7 helpline.
Volunteer Experiences and Broader Context
Volunteer Cheryl Quah, whose daughter Isadora was stillborn at 37 weeks in 2023, received a memory box in hospital and found solace in connecting with the group. “Being part of IMOY allows me to honour Isadora, hold space for her life, and keep her memory present,” she says. Quah runs the charity’s online shop, offering families opportunities to personalise items in their baby’s memory, further fostering a sense of purpose and community.
Despite the supportive environment, the need for such services remains urgent. In Australia, one baby is stillborn every 3.5 hours, and two babies die within 28 days of birth daily, according to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare. This amounts to over 2000 stillbirths annually, a figure higher than the national road death toll, with roughly one-third of cases having unknown causes.
Future Goals and Sustainability
Facing financial pressures—each round of memory boxes costs close to $20,000 for 100-120 boxes—Doyle and Francis are determined to expand their reach. Their goal is to ensure every family in Western Australia who experiences loss, regardless of gestation or age, receives a pack or box. They hope to achieve this through grants and sponsorships while maintaining the authentic, community-driven ethos of their organisation.
Doyle describes the support groups as casual and inclusive: “We just sit down with a cup of tea and we talk about our living children, we talk about our trauma, we talk about our children in the stars. We talk about the weather. We talk about life.” This approach helps parents feel seen and understood, reducing isolation and promoting healing in a compassionate setting.
