Why You Can't Stop Checking Your Ex's Social Media and How to Move On

Amanda Lambros

PerthNow

13 February 2026, 9:16am

It has been several months since my breakup, but I cannot seem to stop checking my ex's Instagram profile and endlessly scrolling through their Facebook updates. I do not even want them back in my life, yet I find myself compulsively returning to their social media accounts. Why am I engaging in this behaviour, and more importantly, how can I finally move forward with my life?

You are certainly not alone in this struggle. A comprehensive study conducted by the University of Western Ontario, which happens to be one of my alma maters, revealed that a staggering 88 percent of individuals admit to checking up on their former partners online even after the relationship has ended. Social media platforms make this incredibly easy, placing an ex's life just a single click away at all times.

The Psychology Behind the Scroll

Leading psychologists indicate that this behaviour primarily stems from two significant factors: deeply ingrained habit and intense curiosity. When you have spent months or even years intimately intertwined with another person, your brain becomes accustomed to seeking regular updates about their life and activities. Combine this with the fact that social media platforms are specifically designed to deliver little "dopamine hits" every time you scroll, and suddenly breaking the cycle feels nearly impossible.

The real trouble emerges because keeping digital tabs on your ex-partner consistently keeps the emotional wounds of the breakup fresh and open. A separate study published in the respected journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking discovered that individuals who frequently monitored their ex online experienced significantly higher levels of distress, more intense feelings of longing, and a much slower emotional recovery compared to those who completely cut off digital contact. In essence, while stalking your ex online might feel harmless in the moment, it actively prevents you from moving forward with your life.

Breakups represent a genuine form of grief. Similar to losing someone through other means, you are actively adjusting to a new reality of life without that person. A certain level of curiosity about what they are doing is perfectly normal, but it becomes genuinely harmful when it keeps you emotionally stuck in the past. Some mental health professionals even compare this behaviour to a form of addiction, where every new photograph or status update can feel like a temporary "fix" that ultimately leaves you craving more.

Practical Steps to Break the Habit and Heal

Unfollow, Unfriend, or Mute: You do not need to make a formal announcement. Simply muting their accounts can provide you with immediate peace without creating unnecessary drama.
Set Firm Digital Boundaries: If you catch yourself typing their name into the search bar, consciously replace that urge with a different activity. Listen to an uplifting song, send a text to a supportive friend, or step outside for a brief walk.
Replace the Habit Entirely: If checking Instagram has become an automatic behaviour, deliberately change the environmental cue. For example, move the app off your phone's home screen or consider deleting it entirely for a predetermined period.
Shift Your Focus Inward: Breakups provide a unique opportunity to rediscover yourself. Pour your energy into new hobbies, a fitness journey, or reconnecting with friends who genuinely lift you up.
Seek Professional Support If Needed: Speaking with a qualified counsellor or therapist can be immensely helpful if the urge to keep digital tabs feels completely overwhelming.

If your online stalking leads to constant rumination, persistent feelings of worthlessness, or begins to interfere significantly with your daily responsibilities, it is a clear sign you may require more structured professional assistance. According to Beyond Blue, approximately one in five Australians experience significant mental health challenges each year, and breakups are a major trigger for both anxiety and depression. Reaching out for help early can make a profound difference in your recovery journey.

It is fundamentally human to feel curiosity about what an ex-partner is doing with their life. However, genuine emotional healing requires creating intentional space, and endless scrolling only keeps you psychologically tied to the past. By setting firm boundaries, finding healthier distractions, and focusing intently on your own personal growth, you will give yourself the best possible chance to truly move on and open the door to a much brighter next chapter.

Your Bestie,

Amanda x

Amanda Lambros is a highly experienced sexologist and relationship coach with almost two decades of professional practice who takes pride in her direct "no b-s" approach to solving personal problems. She is also a certified speaking professional and has authored several bestselling books on relationships, health, and business which have collectively sold more than 150,000 copies worldwide.