There is a guy on the internet named Dustin Poynter, also known as the Red Flag Guy, who responds to videos of couples interacting. If something troubling occurs—like a groom who thinks it’s hilarious to drop his bride into a pool during wedding photos—he runs around a park waving a giant red flag. Conversely, if something genuinely delightful happens, like one partner showing authentic love, concern, or support for the other, he cavorts with a green flag. With 3.5 million followers, he must be doing something right.
Today, on Mother’s Day, I wish that guy were on standby. Because I have heard far too many men (and yes, not all men—insert eye-roll here) say, regarding their wives and partners, “She’s not my mum,” insinuating that there is no expectation for them to recognise the mother of their children on Mother’s Day. Whenever I hear a man utter that sentence, please know that in my mind, I am waving a red flag like a demented matador.
So, gentlemen, draw closer. I need to tell you something. It’s one day a year. All you have to do is make a bit of a fuss over the woman who carried your children for nine months and who bears the mental load of raising them. And if you think you do your share, ask yourself the following questions: Who organised the kids’ birthday parties? What are their teachers’ names? What did you get your mum for Christmas? If you don’t know the answers, it’s because you aren’t bearing the mental load.
It’s worth noting that most mums don’t even want that much effort on Mother’s Day. They just want the slightest modicum of indulgence, the teeniest hint that you acknowledge their significant role in your family’s life—a brief glimmer of not having any responsibilities for one solitary day.
I understand there’s a cost-of-living crisis. All the shops have been spruiking expensive gift ideas ahead of the big day. Not everyone can afford diamond jewellery or a surprise trip to Paris. So I’m here to help with some last-minute, cost-effective ideas for treating the mother of your children today.
But first, I need to have a crack at you for leaving it until the last minute. How did you not know Mother’s Day was approaching? Have you not noticed endless adverts for nighties, dressing gowns, and slippers? Have you been oblivious to every cafe and restaurant having “Book Now for Mother’s Day” flyers on the table? Have you not noticed your wife subtly asking, “Do we have any plans this Sunday?” Alas, here we are.
If you find yourself unprepared, here’s what you can do. Firstly, do a coffee run. I assume you know how she likes her coffee (or hot drink of her choosing). Surprise her with a takeaway of the good stuff. While you’re there, pick up a flaky croissant, cinnamon scroll, or other tasty treat. Hopefully, you know if she prefers sweet or savoury (if not, why the hell not? What do you even talk about?).
Now, get the kids to serve it to her while she relaxes somewhere—in bed, on the couch, or lying on the back lawn. This is also the perfect time for the kids to hand over those presents they either made at school or bought at the school Mother’s Day stall, with the money your beloved wife gave them. Ah, surprises.
But why can’t you just let the kids make breakfast for her, you ask? Because this causes her too much anxiety. Will the kitchen catch fire? Will she be the one cleaning up afterwards? Will the handle of her favourite cup be snapped off? There are too many variables. Buy the croissant.
If you’ve managed to pull that off and she’s feeling spoiled, you’ve done well. But don’t rest there. Is there another way you could show her your love and appreciation? Can you and the kids wash her car? Could you take them to Auskick and give her a day off? Could you finally hang that picture in the hallway or stop the bathroom door from squeaking? Could you, in any way, make her mental load a tiny bit lighter, even if only for a day?
And while you’re busying yourself with that, I’ll get my green flag ready to fly.
