Adrian Barich describes the emotional tug-of-war that grips parents when their children finally decide to leave the nest. It's a moment filled with pride and panic, a core contradiction of family life.
The Perth Paradox: A Comfortable Cage
Barich, writing from Perth, Western Australia, acknowledges the city's incredible appeal. It's safe, clean, sunny, and prosperous, with a high number of millionaires per capita and stunning beaches. Life in its best suburbs is almost too comfortable, where needs are met and convenience reigns supreme.
Yet, this very comfort is the problem, he argues. Growth doesn't come from comfort; it comes from discomfort. For young people from Perth, leaving the city—often seen as a "big country town with a global mining budget"—becomes a crucial step in their development.
The Uncomfortable Lessons of Leaving
When children move away, especially to places east of the Nullarbor or north of the Equator, they face a blank slate. No one knows their surname, their school, or their background. This anonymity is both confronting and liberating.
They quickly learn hard-won independence. The safety net vanishes, forcing them to handle fear, navigate unfamiliar systems, and confront the reality that Mum and Dad aren't a quick phone call away for every crisis. They build resilience through small, terrifying realisations, like managing illness alone.
This journey also fosters open-mindedness. Surrounded by different attitudes and cultures, they adapt. They stop assuming their way is the only way, listen more, and judge less. Barich admits this sometimes means they outgrow their parents, developing opinions that differ from what they were taught—a sign of success, not failure.
The Parent's Painful Duty to Let Go
For parents like Barich and his wife Jodie, the instinct is to keep children close, within a "I'm coming home in a tizz" distance from Fremantle. The desire is a mix of love, support, and selfish enjoyment of their company.
However, Barich recognises that holding on too tightly doesn't protect children; it limits them. The ultimate parental job is to raise kids who surpass you. This means supporting their need to leave, become self-reliant, pay bills, build their own networks, and develop trust in their own instincts.
He concludes that while he wants his children close, he wants them to be brave, curious, and independent more. This requires parents to practise the difficult art of letting go, even as they secretly count the days until the next Christmas visit. It's a necessary heartache for a greater gain.
