Comedian Nikki Glaser left no A-lister unscathed during her blistering opening monologue at the 2026 Golden Globes ceremony, delivering a masterclass in satire that had the star-studded audience both squirming and laughing.
A No-Holds-Barred Opening
Glaser immediately set the tone by sarcastically declaring the Golden Globes as “without a doubt the most important thing happening in the world right now.” She then turned her fire on Hollywood itself, noting the ceremony was in Los Angeles, “where no TV or film has been made for the past six years.” This opening salvo made it abundantly clear that nothing and nobody would be considered off-limits for the rest of her set.
Targeting the A-List and the News
The comedian quickly took aim at the powerful room, quipping that by “A-listers,” she meant “people who are on a list that has been heavily redacted.” This clever, subtle reference to the infamous Epstein files drew howls of laughter from the crowd. She continued by handing out mock awards, giving the Justice Department a prize for “best editing” and CBS News one for “most editing,” branding the network “America’s newest place to see BS news.”
Leonardo DiCaprio was a prime target. Glaser acknowledged his storied career before delivering the punchline: “and the most impressive thing is that you were able to accomplish all of that before your girlfriend turned 30.” The joke landed awkwardly, drawing only a half-laugh from the actor, prompting Glaser to recover with a faux apology. “It’s cheap. I tried not to. But we don’t know anything else about you, man. Open up,” she laughed.
Sean Penn, Wicked, and a Warm Finish
Sean Penn was next, with Glaser teasing that in an industry obsessed with youth, “Penn is like ‘what if I slowly morph into a sexy leather handmark?’” She then praised his humanitarian efforts in her signature style: “I feel like so many actors talk the talk, but Sean Penn will actually go to the places in the world that need help the most, and he will do cocaine there, and I feel like we don’t celebrate that enough.”
The film Wicked also came into the firing line, rebranded by Glaser as “Wicked For Money.” She directed a joke at star Ariana Grande, saying she would listen to her “sing the phone book, grab the one Kevin Hart’s sitting on tonight.”
Despite the relentless roasting, Glaser concluded on a surprisingly warm and sincere note. She told the room it was a privilege to celebrate work that felt “innovative, fearless and inspiring,” and encouraged the industry to continue producing important projects.
