For many couples, sleeping in separate beds might seem like a sign of relationship trouble, but for some, it is a practical solution to a common problem: getting a good night's sleep. With 75 per cent of people reporting difficulty falling asleep in an ABC sleep survey, separate beds could be the key to restful nights and a harmonious relationship.
Jacqueline Hallyer, a clinical psychosexual therapist and relationships coach, advises that sleeping apart does not have to damage intimacy. She emphasizes the importance of skin-to-skin contact and finding ways to connect, whether in bed or not. 'There's so many health benefits and emotional benefits to being able to spend time with your beloved... it reduces your stress levels, your cortisol levels go down, it increases your immune functioning,' she said.
Sydney caller Linda shared her experience of moving into separate rooms after her children left home, initially due to her husband's snoring. She said the arrangement has not impacted their intimacy. 'I have this really nice room now that's my little room... and my husband has this boy's room with his telescope and his science books... it's his little place, and I have my little place,' she said.
Another caller, Jon Eggins, said he and his wife slept separately after the birth of their baby but now sleep together again except during bouts of snoring or excessive flatulence. He noted that the marriage bed should be the rule, not the exception. Over 45 years of marriage, another listener reported times spent in separate beds due to snoring or parenting, but now enjoys sleeping together again.
Hallyer advises couples to make decisions that work for both partners and to not feel obligated to share a bed every night. She suggests rituals like starting the night together or cuddling in the morning to maintain connection. 'If you've got a good relationship, and there's plenty of contact and you spend quality time together, you may not need to be in the same bed together night after night,' she said.
