Business owner and author Wendy Naumovski spent a decade believing her mother had withdrawn from her, only to discover 23 years later that perimenopause was the hidden cause. Now, she is sharing her story to help others understand this challenging life stage.
A Troubled Decade
Wendy Naumovski recalls a painful period in her relationship with her mother. "Whenever mum was in the garden, we'd learnt to leave her alone," she says. "I felt like she was pulling away from me, which hurt. At the time, I'd just given birth to my first child, and while I'd always usually been in Mum's corner when it came to disagreements, during that time I remember hearing her just snap outrageously at my dad, and I'd think how out of line she was, how unreasonable."
Her mother, the matriarch in their Macedonian family, rarely spoke about her inner world. This retreat marked what Wendy calls the "dark" time in their lives. "I knew she was going through what she called 'the change', but I didn't understand her at all," she says.
Understanding Through Experience
Now, 23 years later, Ms Naumovski understands perfectly. "About five years ago, perimenopause began to hit me like a tonne of bricks," she says. "And for the first time, I started to reflect on what it was like for Mum. I could see so many parallels and it just changed the way I viewed that whole period in our lives."
Perimenopause, the period when a woman's hormones fluctuate and decline before menopause, can last up to 10 years. Symptoms include depression, anxiety, dry skin, body aches, insomnia, hot flushes, overwhelm, and rage. Despite affecting over 50% of the Australian population, many women struggle to access basic information and treatment, and talking about it remains taboo.
Knowledge Gaps Exposed
News.com.au's Fire Up! reader survey of 2,200 respondents found that 37% claimed to have "little or no knowledge" about perimenopause or menopause. This gap was more pronounced in younger women, with 62% of those under 40 reporting little to no knowledge. The gap widened by gender: while 80% of female respondents could identify at least three symptoms, only half of male respondents could.
Impact on Relationships
For Ms Naumovski, perimenopause crept up slowly. "As the mum of four kids, running a business, I was used to being busy," she says. "And then suddenly it was as though all motivation to get out of bed just left me." She experienced irritability, rage, anxiety, and a lack of motivation that left her feeling disconnected from her family, especially her husband. "You're in this kind of 'meno-divorce'," she explains. "And it's as though your ability to love has been reduced. At one point I told my husband - 'look, the door is there, if you don't feel that what I have to offer right now is enough, then I'll understand.' He decided to stick it out."
More than a third (35%) of Fire Up! survey respondents cited the "impact on relationships" as a major concern. National data shows the same midlife period correlates with the highest risk of divorce in Australia.
Family Dynamics
The hardest part for Ms Naumovski was the effect on her relationship with her children. "The hardest thing I found, was that it was five against one in the family," she says. "It felt really compounded within the family environment. My husband would feel like the kids, and the kids would feel like him, and then I looked like the crazy b**ch. I found myself withdrawing and going into silent-mode. The headphones would come out, 'don't talk to me', because what I would say was wrong."
Breaking the Silence
Ms Naumovski decided to write a book, Wendy Talks Menopause, to bridge the understanding gap. "Five years on, my kids understand exactly what perimenopause is all about," she says. "To the point where they have a group chat named after one of my more colourful phrases when I was in the midst of perimenopause. My eldest daughter was the first one I opened up to about it and I am grateful she now understands, both for our relationship and for her own awareness when she goes through it."
Her experience also transformed her view of her mother. "In many ways, perimenopause has been a flashback to what my mum went through, but she didn't have the tools to talk about it in the same way, it was never spoken about at all," she says. "I'm glad that is changing, and I'm glad my kids won't have to wonder - they'll know."
