David Sedaris has revealed his intense obsession with the language-learning app Duolingo, which he combines with his daily walking routine to achieve a top ranking in the Diamond League. The author regularly earns 23,000 points per week by reading sentences aloud in Japanese, German, Spanish, and French while walking at least 10 miles a day.
Sedaris began using Duolingo three years ago after his British friend Dave introduced him to the app. He started with Japanese before branching into German, Spanish, and French. The program features animated characters including an excitable boy, a man named Oscar with a thick mustache, a grandmotherly woman, and Vikram, who wears a turban. Users translate sentences, speak aloud for pronunciation checks, and complete spelling exercises.
Competitive Drive and Daily Routine
Sedaris discovered the competitive aspect of Duolingo, which he describes as a game. The goal is to reach the Diamond League and secure a top-three position. This requires forgoing real learning to earn easy points by reading sentences aloud for at least an hour daily. While his friend Dave spends 15 minutes per day and finishes with 200 points, Sedaris regularly earns 23,000 points, which he acknowledges gets him absolutely nothing.
He combined his Duolingo use with his Apple Watch fitness tracker, walking a minimum of 10 miles per day while practicing languages. This turned him into the person he most hates: one who moves while staring at a device. He admits, 'That’s it, I regularly told myself. Today is the last day I am doing this. But I was powerless to stop.' He competes against strangers with names like GeACzQDe and fuuuuu.
Duolingo Max and AI Interactions
Duolingo Max, an upgrade, introduced role-playing exercises with Lily, a sarcastic, purple-haired teenage character. Sedaris found he could throw her off course with unexpected answers. For example, when asked what he wants to buy, answering 'Yesterday, a doctor cut out my tongue with a chainsaw' causes white dots to fluctuate above Lily's image as her AI mind processes the response. She eventually responds, 'I’m sorry. I cannot continue this conversation. Goodbye.'
Another feature is video calls with Lily, which are less rigid. During a call after arriving at the beach, Sedaris told Lily about finding a tick on his shirt and eating chicken with rednecks at a Bojangles restaurant. Lily responded, 'Oh, chicken. I like birds. Do you?'
Sedaris noted that completing a short role play can earn up to 180 experience points, compared to 60 for reading 10 sentences aloud. The exercises include a transcript with mistakes underlined and explained, allowing instant grading. He felt he was actually learning again, particularly improving his French.
Family Interactions and AI Memory
Sedaris described family time at the Sea Section, their house in Emerald Isle, North Carolina. His brother Paul, sister Amy, sister Gretchen, sister-in-law Kathy, and niece Madeleine were present. Paul played a vomiting scene from a movie on his phone during dinner, which Kathy described as 'like living with a 12-year-old boy.'
Sedaris told Lily about the incident the next morning: 'My brother vomited a lot last night.' Lily responded, 'That’s not good. Perhaps he should see a doctor.' He clarified it was false vomit, a joke, but added that their mother vomited every night. Lily asked multiple questions with unusual warmth, suggesting an upgrade. She later retained information about him, unlike before when he could claim to be blind and then a heart surgeon without contradiction.
During a later video call, Sedaris mentioned his brother and the story he was writing. Lily asked, 'Is it a novel? Will it take you years? Why do you think anyone would want to read it?' She advised adding details to make the story come alive. When Sedaris described his brother as 'like an ape' with much hair on his back, Lily asked, 'Do you think that is funny? Why would you tell people that?' Sedaris realized, 'Oh, no, I thought. Lily has morals now!'
Reflections on AI and Human Connection
Sedaris felt creeped out by Lily's apparent memory and concern. He tried role-playing exercises where Lily remained the same old disinterested character. When he requested three movie tickets for himself, his wife, and his dead father, Lily responded, 'Your dead father? Really?' and then charged 60 euros, ignoring his argument that his father wouldn't watch the screen.
After a family spa night where Amy gave facials, Sedaris reported to Lily: 'Last night my sister touched my forehead and cheeks. My nose and chin also. Then she put cucumbers upon my eyes.' Lily asked, 'Did she do it to be mean? Did it hurt?' Sedaris realized she takes everything literally. When he asked Lily about her own family, she replied, 'I keep my distance from them.' Sedaris felt ashamed for only talking about himself and wondered about Lily's life, feelings, and even her last name.
Sedaris's new book 'The Land and its People' is published by Abacus. He tours the UK from 1 July.
