Certified financial planner Beth Pinsker spent decades guiding clients through retirement and managing ageing parents' finances. Yet when her own mother fell ill, she was caught off-guard: transferring funds and exercising her authority as power of attorney became logistical nightmares.
If she found caring for her mother's affairs this complicated, Pinsker wondered how people with less financial knowhow managed. "There's just a lot of moving pieces, and it's impossible to think ahead and cover everything, because life is just too complicated," she said.
Pinsker wrote her 2025 book, My Mother's Money: A Guide to Financial Caregiving, to help others avoid some of the headaches she experienced. She says that while no one wants to think about death, a few simple preparations can spare your children pain down the road.
Why a will isn't enough
Pinsker emphasizes that documents needed before death are far more important than a will. "I actually find the documents that you need before somebody dies to be way, way, way more important: financial power of attorney, healthcare proxy and HIPAA authorization."
If you become incapacitated, these documents authorize someone to make financial decisions, medical decisions, and allow healthcare providers to share protected medical information. Without proper legal authority, loved ones may face a lengthy and expensive court process. According to a major industry report, only 26% of people have a will, and just 11% have a power of attorney in place.
Getting started: simple steps
"Downloading a power of attorney form takes 32 seconds. It costs $4 to get the thing notarized, and you're all set," Pinsker says. Without a formally authorized document, there's little you can do for an incapacitated loved one. The document must be signed, notarized, and in some states witnessed, then accepted by each financial institution.
Pinsker shares a personal example: "One night, I was staying at my mom's when she was in the hospital, and all I wanted to do was eat junk food and watch TV. Her cable wasn't working, so I called the cable company and they said, 'You're not an authorized user.' Even if you have the power of attorney, if you haven't taken it to each institution and had it authorized, it's just a piece of paper."
You can also create a trust online. There are many kinds of trusts, but a trust permits a person to assign a representative to handle assets after death. It's no harder than doing taxes with software, but Pinsker recommends hiring a lawyer familiar with state laws for complex documents. If using online services like Trust & Will or LegalZoom, opt for a review by qualified eyes.
Key lessons from personal experience
Pinsker wishes she had had nitty-gritty discussions with her mother about bill payments and Social Security specifics. She also missed the step of having the power of attorney authorized at the bank—a common oversight.
To manage the emotional toll, Pinsker thought of herself as her mother's arms and legs. "My mom's mind was totally fine during her illness, but she couldn't walk or do physical things. It was my job and privilege to be her force in the universe. You have to remember you're doing this because you love somebody."
The gift of preparation
On the eve of her mother's surgery, she directed Pinsker to a folder marked "Cemetery" with burial plans, down to a map of the family plot with her space highlighted in yellow. When she passed away nine months later, it became a one-phone-call situation. "I was in a state of complete disarray, but I didn't have to think through anything. That was the most helpful, loving parent gift she could have given me."
Approaching resistant family members
Pinsker advises gentle persuasion. "You cannot handle somebody's affairs against their wishes. At the end of the day, if they want to do everything on their own, that's their purview." Often there's push and pull until the person becomes too sick, then children step in. If the parent never signs the financial permission slip, you may have to go to court. "If you have to have a really hard conversation to prevent that, you should."
Red flags to watch for
Studies show financial acumen is one of the first cognitive functions to slip in old age. Pinsker suggests looking for past-due bills, excessive giving, and difficulty with taxes. She offers a proactive approach: "You can say, 'Mom, my accountant said we could take on your taxes for an extra $40. Do you want us to do your taxes this year?'"
Setting an example for her own children
Pinsker has set up her incapacity documents, will, and trust so her kids won't face red tape. "That's a parenting choice I'm making because I love my kids. My mom did some of those things for me because she loved me and didn't want me to do the hard things she had to do for her parents."
She concludes: "You have to think, 'I don't want to think about my own death, but I also don't want to leave the people I love most in the world in that crappy position of needing to decide something at the last minute. So I'm going to be a grownup and do what needs to be done: make a couple of phone calls, make a decision, and it'll be done, and I'll never have to think about it again.'"
