Seth Meyers on Thursday night took aim at Donald Trump's habit of dozing off during meetings and his unusual boasts about the size of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool.
Trump's Sleeping Habits
“To America first patriots, it’s clear he’s simply closing his eyes so he can picture everyone naked,” Meyers joked. “Not for sexual reasons – it’s just to calm his nerves for when it’s his turn to talk. He’s thinking so hard with his brain that it’s draining energy from his eyelids.”
On 3 June, Marco Rubio was asked about Trump falling asleep while the secretary of state testified before the Senate appropriations committee. Rubio denied it, saying Trump doesn't sleep and calls him at 2am or 5am.
“Yeah, we believe you!” shouted Meyers. “That’s why he’s asleep during the day. It’s the same reason raccoons are asleep during a field trip to the Bronx Zoo. They’re up all night looking for a garbage can to knock over, which is also what Trump is probably doing: ‘There’s gotta be a Big Mac in here.’ And don’t bullshit us that he’s working in the middle of the night. We know what he’s doing: he’s posting AI slop of himself as Jesus, or on Mt Rushmore, or riding a horse with George Washington next to a Nascar race while a space shuttle flies overhead.”
AI Slop at 4am
Recently, Trump posted a seemingly AI-generated photo of himself as a Terminator-like figure blowing up Iran with the caption “No more Mr Nice Guy” at 4.05am.
“4am is the most concerning time to do anything on your phone,” said Meyers. “Imagine if a friend texted you at 4am: you’d be freaked the fuck out.”
The Reflecting Pool Boast
On Wednesday, Trump bragged about the length of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool by comparing it to American skyscrapers. “One thing we know for sure is that Trump is definitely obsessed with size, whether it’s sex or construction,” Meyers said, noting that none of Trump’s work changed the pool’s size.
“These are among the tallest buildings in the world,” said Trump. “If you lay [Chicago’s Sears Tower] on its side, it would take two or three of them to fill it in.”
“You’ve got to hand it to him: that really is impressive,” said Meyers. “Or it would be if the reflecting pool was fucking vertical! You’re not allowed to compare horizontal to vertical. If that was the case, I-90 crushes the reflecting pool.”
Conclusion
“This is the stuff Trump really cares about,” the host concluded. “Renovating the reflecting pool, putting his cronies in charge of intelligence agencies … Meanwhile prices are soaring, the Iran war is a disaster. Trump is screwing us so badly it’s almost like he’s running a sex toy company.”
