ABC broadcaster and author James O'Loghlin recently opened up about a deeply personal journey that transformed him from a passive observer into an accidental activist. Strolling along the clifftop path to Coogee beach, O'Loghlin reflected on the small pleasures of life—a beagle being lifted from a car, a woman stretching on a yoga mat, an older couple sharing hot chips. These moments, he noted, are what make life worth living.
A Friendship That Changed Everything
O'Loghlin's new book, The Missing Piece, chronicles his friendship with James Wallner, known as Jum, whom he met at the University of Sydney in the mid-1980s. They were best friends, but after university, careers and family caused them to drift apart. O'Loghlin admits he let cobwebs grow over their friendship, assuming there would always be time. Then came the devastating news: Jum was diagnosed with mesothelioma, a rare and aggressive cancer linked to asbestos exposure. He was only 54.
Driving from Sydney to Canberra, where Jum lived in a Mr Fluffy house insulated with loose-fill asbestos, O'Loghlin was greeted with a hug—the first time he had ever hugged a male friend. That moment broke down barriers, and O'Loghlin became a regular hugger. He now encourages men to embrace the practice, noting that women do it more naturally.
The Decision to Lean In
O'Loghlin admits that when a friend is dying, we have a choice: lean in or lean out. He had leaned out two decades earlier when someone close fell ill, a decision he still regrets. This time, he chose to lean in, despite the awkwardness. He grappled with questions like: Do I text? Should I visit or give space? How should I act? The experience, though difficult, proved deeply rewarding, taking the friendship to a deeper level.
As he learned more about mesothelioma, O'Loghlin discovered a cruel injustice: people exposed to asbestos at work could get compensation, but those exposed at home could not. Together with two friends, he launched a campaign to change the rules. A self-described novice, O'Loghlin used his writing skills to draft letters to the government, following up relentlessly and recruiting help from unions, health organizations, and the media.
Late-Night Worries and a Successful Campaign
O'Loghlin recalls lying awake at night, wondering if there was anything he could do to make a difference for his dying friend. He didn't want to be left with regret. The campaign succeeded after 11 weeks and two days of lobbying, with then-Health Minister Greg Hunt confirming a fund. Jum died two days later. While the success brought comfort, O'Loghlin rejects the idea of cosmic balance: 'Karma can go fuck itself,' he says with a laugh.
Practical Advice for Supporting a Dying Friend
In his book, O'Loghlin offers practical tips for dealing with a dying friend. He emphasizes the importance of talking about what the friend wants to discuss, not burdening them with your grief. He suggests looking for hints—like when Jum said, 'I probably won't see the flowers bloom'—as an opportunity to gently engage.
O'Loghlin now has a renewed determination to seek out happiness and let go of things that don't matter. He reflects on Jum's perspective: before getting sick, life was a 10 out of 10, but we often don't realize it until it's gone. His advice to everyone? 'Get over the awkwardness. It's much better than thinking, "I wish I'd said that." So, get into it.'
The Missing Piece: How I Became an Accidental Activist is out now through Echo Publishing.
