A recent letter writer reflects on the coverage of the Fordingbridge case, where three teenage boys received rape sentences that are now under review by the Court of Appeal. The writer reveals they experienced a remarkably similar crime over 20 years ago, with the same number and age of perpetrators, the same incident, and the same court outcome. However, they were younger, and the incident was not filmed because it predated social media, though word of mouth still led to name-calling in the community. There was no public outcry at the outcome then, and the writer notes it is encouraging to see progress in understanding the impact of such crimes, even if it is slow.
Concerns about discourse
The writer expresses worry about some of the discourse surrounding the girls in the Fordingbridge case and others who have experienced similar trauma. Comments in print and on social media, intended to emphasise the severity of the crime, have included statements like 'their lives are ruined' or 'they'll never heal.' The writer acknowledges that the impact on their own life can hardly be overstated. They have struggled to make healthy decisions, developed harmful coping mechanisms, and spent many years feeling numb or creating problems in the present, unable to believe that the pain could still stem from what happened. They have allowed people to treat them poorly, subconsciously modelling a template set by the assault.
Long-term effects and therapy
After over a decade of weekly therapy, partly supported by a specialist charity that saved their life, the writer is still discovering new, deeply buried ways in which the event altered their feelings and worldview. They recognise that this may always be the case and that the sentences imposed in such cases are woefully inadequate relative to the harm caused. However, the writer firmly states that their life is not ruined. They have many wonderful friendships, a successful career in a field they are passionate about, and have travelled the world. They are learning to be at peace with their body and mind, much like learning to live with grief or a chronic illness. Their life has expanded around the pain, and with each year, they learn better how to manage it and themselves. The idea that it will remain something to deal with is not scary or depressing; it is something to grieve but also part of the rich tapestry of their life, just one part of a bigger whole. The future is not an eternal tunnel of darkness.
Message of hope
The writer offers a message to the girls in the Fordingbridge case and others in similar situations: they will need a lot of support, time, and space to feel many things. The writer advises them to seek out places and people that provide these, and to give time and space to themselves as well. Above all, the writer hopes they can know that there is hope for the lives ahead of them.
Finally, the writer recalls that their primary school teacher was a guardian angel in the aftermath of the incident, and they never had a chance to thank her. Unable to find her online, the writer reaches out: if she sees this, would she please get in touch?
