An expat has been left confused after several dinner party hosts asked him to arrive empty-handed, saying he does not know whether they mean it or are simply being polite. The man shared his query on Reddit, asking: "Is it rude to show up empty-handed in Australia?"
The Expat's Dilemma
He explained that at almost every dinner party he has been invited to in Australia, the hosts "almost always say, 'Don’t bring anything'". "I’ve been living in Australia for a while, and there’s one thing I still can’t get used to," the man wrote. "Whenever I get invited to someone’s house for dinner, they almost always say, 'Don’t bring anything.'"
While he initially took the request literally, he later admitted that showing up empty-handed made him feel "really uncomfortable". "At first, I took that literally and showed up empty-handed," he wrote. "But honestly, I felt really uncomfortable."
Cultural Background
The man explained that in Japanese culture, it is customary to bring something – even if it's small – as a gesture of appreciation. "In Japan, it’s pretty much expected that you bring something – even something small souvenir – when you visit someone’s home," he added. "Not doing so can come across as rude. So the next time, I decided to bring something anyway.”
However, he said he now constantly questions whether bringing a gift is the right thing to do, or if it actually makes the situation worse. "But then… I felt like I might be making the host uncomfortable instead," he wrote. "Now I genuinely don’t know what the 'right' thing is here. Do people really mean it when they say 'don’t bring anything'? Or is it more like a polite phrase?"
Commenters Weigh In
Commenters supported the dinner party guest's decision to never show up empty-handed, with some suggesting that "something that's not going to be a part of the meal is best". "If they say don't bring something, it means the main meal and drinks are all taken care of," one person wrote. "There will be times where you could be asked to bring a salad or some meat etc, so 'don’t bring anything' just means that everything is all being supplied. That being said, it would not be offensive if you did bring something small to share like some chocolate, a bottle of wine or some beers. It's a nice gesture and I don't think any offence would be taken."
"Yep, something that isn't going to be a part of the meal. They've got that covered," another commenter agreed. "If you bring a bottle of wine, maybe they have that covered too and won't even open yours." "If I get told not to bring anything, I bring flowers, a bottle of wine, or chocolates or something," another person wrote.
Another commenter said the host may not want guests to bring food as it might disrupt their meal planning. "Your host may like to keep the menu to their plan, hence the 'don’t bring anything' comments," the commenter wrote. Another commenter stated that she has never found it rude when a guest brought dessert to her dinner party. "I've never ever found it to be rude if someone brings a dessert. I don't usually serve dessert so it's usually very welcome," she shared.
